January 14, 2019

I am so tired of Persona prequels.  Can we go into the future now?  Like, what's everybody doing after Ultimax?

(Plus, MC/and FeMC are dead, so we won't have to deal with them anymore! The road less taken could lead to AkiMitsu perhaps? 

January 4, 2019

Ms'd it by a hair.

I don't know if I've mentioned this often, maybe on Twitter - some of you may have heard that I hate my hair.  I mean, I hate it!  When it's dirty, it's oily, and when it's clean, it's frail and tangles if you so much as blow on it. There's only so much I can do with it, and if all that wasn't bad enough, it's starting to gray.  Yay.

About the only thing I can control regarding my hair is the length.  I like to keep it short so I don't have to spend hours drying it, and dirty hair doesn't feel like it's crawling down my back.  I didn't think it was a problem, seeing as how it's MY hair, but apparently it effects my sexual preference?

My mother hates short hair on women.  She constantly remarks on it whenever we're out in public.  Thanks to celebrities like Ellen and Rosie, she's convinced that only lesbians can have short hair.  Imagine my surprise when she said as much!   I don't like long hair; I think having shorter hair makes me look closer to my age, which is already a problem when you're short with a round face.  Putting makeup on makes me look like a teen who just got into makeup.  Even if I had a baby (which is YET ANOTHER ENDLESS ARGUMENT WITH MY MOTHER), I'd just look like a teenager with a baby.  I've thought about letting my hair go completely gray, but with my luck, some new emo trend about being gray and depressed will be going around, and I'll still look like a damn teenybopper.  

So to recap, hair down to your ass = must have the D.  Short hair = butch as butch can be. 

She later amended it to saying that short hair was a signal to other lesbians - which only makes me feel like a total failure, because they aren't coming around, either.  Apparently, lipstick lesbians don't exist to my mother and Rapunzel is an instruction manual.  Clearly, this is why I'm still single!  I don't have heteronormative hair!! 

I'm cutting it anyway.  The few guys I've dated weren't turned off by it, and I don't think hair past your ass makes up for trust issues and depression.  I'm not Samson.  I don't need this shit to fuck or function.

UPDATE:  My hair is now just touching my shoulders, and I could still really go for some dick right about now. 

December 31, 2018



December 10, 2018

Well, I told myself 2018 would be my year for writing, and it was...mostly.

I've been getting exposure and building up a small following and doing my best to keep from going belly-up as a little fish in a big pond, and it's had its ups and downs, but overall, I think I'm doing okay.

Why, then, do I still feel like something's missing? 

November 4, 2018

Sigh...sometimes I think I'm the only one left writing het fic. 

I wish I could post faster, but I can't finish anything lately.  I get about 100 words down and then I just...don't feel like it anymore.  

October 18, 2018

How to speak writer

I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries about this.  Most of the fanfics that I follow aren't always updated at a set time or steady rhythm and I don't always witness the lack of confidence.  Do they feel bad?  Probably?  We all have lives and jobs and families and occasionally we get sick, or the power goes out due to natural disaster, or our computers break.  Sometimes none of that happens, and yet inspiration fails to strike, in spite of having the "perfect" writing day.  We aren't getting paid.  We could potentially get sued if copyright holders decide to press the issue.  Sometimes we have unpopular ships, controversial headcanons, or people that don't seem to understand that CONFLICT is what drives a story and that it's okay - nay, NECESSARY for characters to miscommunicate and do stupid things you don't like in order to move the plot along. 
But we write.  We write because we have something we want to say.  If you have something that you want to say, why don't you write?   

October 16, 2018

I've been trying again, slowly.

I just feel so persecuted, and maybe I should just give up.  Writing is the only thing I'm good at and the only thing that makes me happy, but sharing my writing with people has only brought me pain.

So much for this fandom being mature and understanding.  They just have inflated opinions of themselves, and FF is feeding their egos.

I'm not as good as I was before, I don't think.  My life has changed so much since the first time I started writing, and not for the better.

I shouldn't have to punish myself, though - I did nothing wrong.